Movie execs brainstorm around a large mahogany table. The pitch: 1990’s action heroes in a period piece where they each play classical composers who must save the world. Casting so far: Stallone as Mozart, Willis as Beethoven, Van Damme as Chopin.

Suddenly, Schwarzenegger bursts into the room.

“I’ll be Bach!”

Dave is half father, half teacher, and half board game designer. He does not teach math.