For the past 18 months, I’ve woken up every day ready to do what I always do — hug, smooch, and care for my daughter, Ella. But this weekend, our 547-day streak of togetherness is coming to an end. I’m flying to Anaheim to throw my best friend’s bachelorette party, and while I am crazy excited for all the friend time, there’s a big part of me that is….

FREAKING. THE. HECK. OUT. (!!!)

Before becoming a mom, I would have never pegged myself as someone who’d stress over leaving their kid. When I was five months pregnant, I was already googling, ‘When is it okay to spend the first night away from your baby?’ During middle-of-the-night feeds, I’d daydream of my husband Max and myself, stepping fresh off a plane in Germany or Thailand — no kid in tow.

But, here I am, looking at my computer screen with fat, hot tears in my eyes. Even thinking about spending three days without my daughter makes my chest tighten and palms sweat.

In my head, I know this time apart will be good for both Ella and me. Instead of 6 a.m. wakeup calls and poopy diapers, I’ll be taking a much-needed parenting break in Disneyland, spinning in pastel tea cups with friends and eating all the churros my heart desires. And Ella will get one-on-one time with her dad, cruising to the park in our 1965 Mustang, and spend time with her grandparents. I know we’ll both get through this weekend unfazed.

But despite this intellectual knowledge, can someone please tell me why all my maternal instincts are on high alert? And why, after a recent phone call with the bride-to-be, I was both buzzing with anticipation and feeling SO sad.

I’m the first in my friend group to have a kid. I don’t have anyone to turn to for advice, and I really need some. So, I’m hoping to ask…

What was your first trip away from your child like? Anything you wish you had — or hadn’t — done? This jittery momma is all ears!

P.S. Joanna’s first trip without Toby and a funny anxiety trick.