Our collective hearts are broken along with those of the parents of the Robb Elementary School victims in Uvalde, Texas.
We see outrage in the media. Accusations fly, followed by finger pointing and blame. As our politicians slug it out like backyard bullies, our children are murdered in schools that have become war zones.
I’m not just talking about shootings. We are witnessing more physical fights being videoed and posted online, rising property destruction and growing anxiety leading to mental illness and substance abuse.
“Our kids are in crisis,” reports U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, as children fill our emergency rooms with thoughts of harming themselves and others.
We’re demanding that this heartbreaking reality stop, but at the same time we’re looking for a magic pill: gun control.
This was the same rallying cry I heard following the murder of my 6-year-old son, Jesse Lewis, at Sandy Hook Elementary School, alongside 19 of his classmates and six educators in 2012 — almost 10 years ago.
I chose a different route, understanding that we will always be a step behind if we simply focus on the problem. Inspired by Jesse, who shouted for his classmates to run while the gunman paused to reload and who, a few days before his death, left a message on our kitchen chalkboard, “Norturting Helinn Love” (Nurturing, Healing Love), I started the Choose Love Movement to address the root cause of the suffering that leads to these horrific events.
Many children grow up in dysfunctional families and don’t go on to mass murder, destroy themselves with drugs or commit crimes. What’s the difference?
Kids that have a trusted adult, that are taught coping skills and social and emotional competence, kids that love and accept themselves, are not going to want to hurt themselves or others.
Kids that have a trusted adult, that are taught coping skills and social and emotional competence, kids that love and accept themselves, are not going to want to hurt themselves or others.
Fostering those relationships and skills makes common sense and is also backed up by decades of research.
Students who have access to social and emotional learning (SEL) in their classrooms get better grades and test scores and have higher attendance and graduation rates. SEL cultivates self-esteem and the confidence to ask for help and offer the same.
Children learn how to understand their emotions, including the difficult ones, and manage them to get to the other side. They learn the importance of being present, problem-solving skills and how to have healthy relationships.
These strengths last, and in young adulthood students who have had SEL training experience less substance abuse, mental illness, incarceration and violence.
So many of these essential life skills have to be taught, reinforced and practiced. School is the ideal place to make this happen, especially if the child isn’t getting this at home. To be fair, I didn’t have these skills and tools and have learned them as an adult.
Obviously, none of this matters if our kids aren’t safe. What we’re realizing is that all the school hardening measures we’ve so diligently focused on in the past two decades aren’t the full solution.
The elementary school in Sandy Hook my son attended had all the latest technology. It practiced an active shooter drill weeks before the massacre. The safest schools are the ones that focus on culture in addition to door locks and law-enforcement responses.
Related: OPINION: The difficult discussions about gun violence that we can’t afford not to have
The pathway individuals take to violence, as described by the Department of Homeland Security, starts with a grievance that escalates into an attack. Schools that focus on their culture — on increasing compassion, connection and love — can reduce and even prevent the grievances that lead to an attack.
We must stop doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Tired rhetoric and blaming do not translate into positive action.
The hard realization is that there is no plan other than what we do, you and me. We must take responsibility for our children’s safety, health and well-being and be part of the solution.
After ten years of passionately advocating for children’s safety, I can tell you that the answer is making sure schools implement and embrace these comprehensive social and emotional competency programs.
Scarlett Lewis is founder of the Choose Love Movement — providing comprehensive, lifespan, no cost, character social emotional development programming for schools, homes and communities. www.chooselovemovement.org
This piece about Uvalde and Sandy Hook was produced by The Hechinger Report, a nonprofit, independent news organization focused on inequality and innovation in education. Sign up for Hechinger’s newsletter.